When I spend time thinking about important problems in the world that need more attention and people working on them, I eventually slide into a circular trap: identifying problems → brainstorming solutions → start implementing the solutions → stuck because many people still die regardless of how much I try → feel despair and give up... → identifying new problems and start over.
Scrambling
During the sophomore year of university, I spent hours on monkeytype.com. I felt like I couldn't become a great programmer without scoring 100 words per minute. Hitting the keyboard quickly, without any mistakes, and looking down would somehow unlock the potential inside me to build the coding projects I want. Cool programmers type fast.
Back in high school in Vietnam, students (including younger me) followed a tedious and structured system. The perfect image of a student from one discipline lies not just behind our uniform, attendance, being on time for classes (6:50 a.m., Mon-Sat, for those who wonder), but more of our obedience in thinking to an education system that aims to make students "perfect citizens of our country." Our essays are pre-determined through boring and colourless outlines that prevent any type of "non-traditional" (so-called creativity) chain of thought. Our maths is calculated and should be perfectly executed, with final answers that must be correct regardless of how well the problem-solving skill performs.
I graduated from high school, burnt out. More or less very unexcited about the life ahead of me. Years spent learning in an environment that demands you to be perfect all the time, there is no room left for flexibility or spontaneous mistakes, or tolerance for those who desire a difference.
These patterns follow me to university. Even when I don't realise them. Even when I'm surrounded by those who are bold, fearless, and very much enjoyable to be around. I feel myself restrained to creative, path-exploring type of activities. I think the world rarely values students who break rules and "are too much out of their heads." To be honest, I love my routine, organisation, being punctual, and creating systems that work. But I also love my unapologetic self, who does things effectively without feeling suffocated or constrained.
History has some lessons for us
Many events in the past have occurred tragically due to people's desire for perfection, but they poorly executed their course of action, covered up mistakes, or followed outdated rules.
As a woman and a daughter of divorced parents, my traditional family taught me to respect my abusive parents regardless, because going against them equals betraying our family's values and traditions. Many of my family members endure suffering because they can't take on a broken title, which vaguely defines nothing about their identity.
Women were executed barbarously in the past since not many could comprehend that we possess the same level of intelligence as men. Racism, discrimination, etc., not only happen due to intrinsic hatred, but also due to a perfect image of the "human race."
Light ahead
I learned from great mentors that execution lies in actions and intentionality themselves. Whenever I'm stuck on a homework problem, I simply take a walk. I don't spend more weeks or months perfecting non-essential skills (those could be fun sometimes), but I ask if I can try a different approach to a research task.
I learn to identify things that work and things that don't, depending on the context. I desire less of the image, the outlook, the nice-sounding solutions, but prefer simplicity, well-defined methods, and concrete deliverables.
University is the perfect time to try different rhythms in my life. But I also demand a society that is less harsh on people, especially those who are struggling. Sometimes, modern culture pressures us into people we don't like. For example, I specifically dislike pleasing people when there are distinct differences in values, but I must do so because they are unlikely to collaborate with me if I don't like the things they do. These rules are subtle in many contexts and, of course, societal structures in ways that make interactions more complicated for some people; nonetheless, authenticity is rare and should be appreciated.
I am working in a field that I value highly for its diversity: AI safety. From aggregating more diverse preferences from a larger human population to studying cooperation to promote prosociality in advanced AI systems, I aim to reduce suffering due to the inequality that exists within the system.
Many people should work on something they like. Many others should focus on important problems of our lifetime. Regardless, don't let an outdated mindset hold you back. Don't let greatness never have a chance to leave your mind.